Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

January 19, 2010

The Assignment

Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose”

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.


“The Assignment”

By Spacedteacher


I was already peeved when I arrived in Athens for my meeting with The High Commander. smile_angryWhat was so damn important that my vacation needed to be canceled with three weeks left? On top of that he kept me waiting for thirty minutes!! What a puushva!! Finally after the obligatory salutations and “Raising Of The Georgian Jale Of Cooperation” the meeting began. Georgia is very steeped in ritual. That can be a dangerous thing when you are already highly agitated at The High Commander’s stupidity. I needed to step lightly. Fortunately I was able to control myself. I just kept telling myself that he could make life very difficult for me so I better remain calm. Believe me as hard as it is to comprehend he could have sent me to a far worse place than where he eventually did. Praise Sheng Di!!!

My current job was as an Administrative Assistant to The High Commander. I was in charge of rather mundane matters such as getting potholes and street lights fixed, keeping the parks clean etc etc. It was a boring but not terribly demanding job. I could do it easily in my sleep. I was happy with my situation. I made reasonably good money and had plenty of time for my more recreational pursuits.


BUT NO!!! This Shinkra has taken it upon himself to advance MY career!! Who in the Hell asked him? Why can’t he just mind his own business? Over my strenuous objections I was being promoted!! I was to be the Attache of The Georgian Government to a Chinese University.  My primary responsibility was to teach the Chinese university students English and American culture. I also had cultural responsibilities such as attending plays,concerts,state dinners,art exhibits etc etc all in an official capacity!!



I felt CURSED!! smile_devilChina? Responsibility? WHY ME??


“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.
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Captured Or Enticed By China

Spacedteacher Adventures In The Middle Cosmos


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose”


The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

“Captured Or Was  It Enticed By China “

By Spacedteacher


A soft Appalachian Breeze kissed the trees and caressed the birds in The Ozark Mountains of my home country America. American mythology says that America was created by God by blowing a kiss. Appalachian Breeze means “God’s Divine Kiss” . All living creatures stir with passion when they feel His Kiss. The birds burst into song as if proclaiming their love , the trees and flowers spring into bloom as if offering a dowry. All living things become gentle and peaceful.


I was sitting on the porch of my home gazing contentedly at the Ozark sunset while petting the Three Moons Of Pleeksa , my cats. In my fields the deer and antelope were grazing contentedly as the Appalachian Moon began to rise. The stars were beginning to emerge from their slumber to cast an eerie but comforting glow upon the night sky.The forest played it’s night music. I can remember thinking how beautiful it all was. A kaleidoscope for the senses!!!


The Cosmos was at rest. I was on vacation.
This was the world and situation I was captured from.

And then it happened!! My P.C.D. portable communication device or mobile phone as it’s known  to you Chinese clamored. Begrudgingly I answered it having no choice since it was The High

What a puushvaa !!!

Commander. I was summonsed to an immediate and very important meeting in Athens the state capital of my home state.Vacation over with three weeks left. Sometimes the Cosmos just SUCKS!!!



I didn’t realize it at that point yet but I had been captured or some would say enticed from my home.

My Chinese adventure was just beginning.

This English castle is actually a sea shell museum in the beautiful coastal city of Dalian in Liaoning Province , China

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

January 16, 2010

The Great Harbin Cuban Cigar Autopsy Caper

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

Sister Of The Jardeen Rose

This woman is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” They are the sworn enemy of the HaNazee


Dear Friends :

I have a Canadian friend here in Harbin who is a bit of a cigar expert. He definitely knows a good cigar when he smells one or smokes one. He is also a smooth talking wheeler dealer type. He has been in Harbin for three years and in that time he has developed many contacts. In China business is done on the basis of  guan xi / relationship. Guan xi is an integral part of Chinese culture that has it’s roots in the teachings of the first HaNazee Emperor Of China. It is indeed a very complicated , intricate concept for lao wai / foreigners to understand and become proficient at. Fred is very close to becoming a master of relationships. In his time here he has cultivated many relationships with the local Comrades.  Recently after doing some work for the local Committe a high ranking member rewarded him with a box of Cuban cigars.


Now Fred being a naturally suspicious man as all smooth talking types are was suspicious of the authenticity of these cigars immediately. I’ve seen the cigars. They no doubt look authentic. They all came individually wrapped in cellophane and a plastic container with the band on them and were in a humidor. They certainly looked authentic to me. I was suspicious also however. When and how could authentic Cuban cigars possibly turn up in Harbin? Beijing or Shanghai would be entirely possible. Maybe even Guangzhou , Xiamen , Qingdao or a few other cities but Harbin? It just didn’t ring true.


One night Fred decided to relax by smoking a cigar and listening to some music. He broke open one of the Cubans. After a few puffs he was convinced. They were not authentic. Just to be sure though he decided to do a cigar autopsy. Out came the scalpel. Twenty minutes later the verdict was in. They were indeed fake. Fred surmised that they were probably made by Puerto Rican immigrants in the basement of  a Newark , N.J. brothel.

I’ll bet a fair number of HaNazees frequent this establishment. lol

Isn’t it curious how all the Comrades seem to have an affinity for Western goods ? lol I wonder what Karl Marx  would say about his Comrades indulging their various life pleasures?




If you come to China and anybody tries to sell you ” authentic ” Western consumer goods you’d be wise to assume that they are indeed not authentic.Forewarned is forearmed. You have been warned.


“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.


If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao !!!

Filed under: King Of The Chinese Road — spacedteacher @ 6:12 am
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” Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ”


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose “  are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

Dear Friends :

If you are one of those people that is foolish enough to believe the current politically correct view that China is going to rule the world soon I have good news for you.Don’tShen me shi hou zhu hui fei / when pigs fly !!! lol believe it!! It isn’t going to happen in your lifetime. I seriously doubt that China will ever rule the world. Assuming they do some day though it is at least 100 years in the future and realistically it’s probably 500 years in the future. When I ask my 20 year old Chinese students how long they think it will be the vast majority say 50 years. Now make no mistake it’s not that they couldn’t it’s that they won’t. I will explain below.

In The HaNazee Holy Book’s Ten Commandments there is one that states the following. As described below :

” Nothing Or NOBODY In All Of China { Jardeen} May Move Faster Than ” The Napping Panda Of Sichuan “.

Emeperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao who was the first HaNazee Emperor  of China was deathly afraid that if his people became too ambitious , efficient and educated they would revolt and toss him and his cronies out of the Palace.He would then need to get the one thing that all HaNazees , especially the men , fear the most. A real job. In The Dreaded Private Sector!!! He wasn’t about to let that happen!!To this day that attitude is still prevalent in China.

When I came to this university I was told that we would be moving into a brand new state of the art building which was specifically designed for the foreign staff and students. I arrived here in March , it is now June and we are still staying in the hotel they initially quartered us in. We are still hearing the move is iminent. LoL I have subsequently spoken to one of the Australian teachers who was here last year. He informed me that he was told that he would be moving into that complex last year. His advice was to not get too excited about it one way or the other.

The Napping Panda Of Sichuan is cutting some zzzzz’s. lol


About 5 weeks ago the hot water in this hotel stopped. Apparently the water boiler broke.It’s very hard for me to believe that The Information Age has reached China yet since everybody in a position of authority that we asked had very little information about this. All we were told was that they had to seek bids and that it would be fixed in about 10 days. Ten days came and went. We asked again. We were told it would be fixed in two to three weeks. Two – three weeks came and went . We asked again. This time we were told it was indefinite. Being rational well educated , if a bit ripe at this point , lao wai / foreigners we asked why. We were told that they were having the necessary equipment shipped in. My guess is that first they have to make it then ship it. I further postulate that since shipping by air is a bit tai guela / expensive and they wish to save some money they are shipping it via donkey cart. We are now at six weeks and counting. Meiyou / zero hot water boiler and about twenty very ripe lao wai / foreigners. There is no end in site. Apparently The Nappping Panda of Sichuan is taking a prolonged snooze this time.


The thing that really amazes me about this whole situation is that the Chinese people just accept it.

I think these are the Chinese characters that mean patience. God knows they have an infinite supply of that.

This hotel is one of the more expensive hotels in this town. It costs about $ 18.00 / 150 R.M.B. a night to stay here. Now by American standards that is not a lot of money but trust me when I tell you that is a significant amount of money by Chinese standards. The way the hotel has handled this is by giving each Chinese guest a 2 RMB / 25 cent token for the public bath. The lao wai / foreigners get nothing. Apparently we are on our own in this matter. To date I have not noticed a drop in the hotel’s occupancy rates or any complaining by the Chinese guests. I find that very curious indeed. I also think it’s another part of the reason that they will never rule the world. As long as you are willing to accept only what the leaders  give you then development will continue to be excruciatingly slow. Can you imagine the reaction of American / Western guests at a comparable 4 star hotel in America or Europe to this situation? I’m reminded of the old saying about the Communists. I think it’s very applicable to this situation. ” If the Communists managed the desert there would be a shortage of sand.”


The Napping Panda of Sichuan is cutting some zzzz’s


By Spacedteacher

P.S. : You may want to stay out of this town for the foreseeable future. There are many very ripe lao wai / foreigners here. It’s not pretty.


“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

January 15, 2010

” Sweet Pie ” and ” The Korean Rose ” Meet

The Satanic HaNazee Romance Of Lotus ” Sweet Pie ” Chan And Lucy ” The Korean Rose” Sanelli ”

Meet Lotus  ” Sweet Pie ” Chan



Breathtaking isn’t she!!


Meet Lucy ” The Korean Rose ” Sanelli


So sweet , so innocent. ” Sweet Pie” is a lucky woman!!


Chapter 1 : ” Sweet Pie” Meets The Korean Rose”


or


“Damn Man Seek Dental Help”


” Sweet Pie” was a stranger in town. As it is everywhere in the world strangers are a cause of curiosity and suspicion. She was just passing through on her way to Hing Kung. She wasn’t seeking companionship or conversation. All she wanted was a hot meal , a hot shower , a good nights sleep and a 7:00 A.M. wake up call.



She must have set off a strong spark of curiosity in him for some reason. Maybe it was her alabaster skin , maybe it was her sexy almond eyes , maybe it was her long gorgeous hair , maybe it was her sheer nylon clad gams. Who the Hell knows what it was. He was a rather handsome albeit dentally challenged lao wai  / foreign gentleman. He walked up to her confidently if a bit apprehensively and started a conversation. After about 5 minutes of small talk he told her he was the proprietor of a local saloon and invited her in for a drink and meal.


That was how Lotus met Tex and the boys , was introduced to The HaNazee Hideaway Lounge and became acquainted with something far more

Exciting!!


Lotus felt it immediately upon entering. What was this sensation? They had nothing quite like this in Hing Kung .Her antennae were abuzz with unfamiliar excitement and for reasons she didn’t quite understand she felt moisture in unusual places. This was a new very strange and quite pleasant feeling for her. And then she saw Lucy.She couldn’t help herself. “Who is that beautiful woman” she asked Tex. She needed to investigate. Lucy’s intoxicating seductive scent announced her arrival at Lotus’s table. If you think Lotus was confused you should have been there that night. I ‘m sure it was quite entertaining for the other patrons. For some unknown reason even Lotus didn’t understand she broke into the HaNazee “Howl Of The Smitten Woman.”

Lucy was Betty Poop curls , Shirley Temple innocence , Angelina Jolie smile , Jenifer Aniston humor , Dianna Krall legs and Helen Hunt sex appeal all rolled into one delightful package. And a buskaa that I swear was made by the Gods themselves. Sexy could not begin to describe her!!

Lotus was addicted from the outset. She needed another fix. And she would get it soon thereafter.
Thusly did the Satanically Seductive Lotus “Sweet Pie” Chan meet the intoxicatingly enchanting Lucy ” The Korean Rose” Sanelli and the dentally challenged Tex. What a great day it would turn out to be for “Sweet Pie” and “The Korean Rose”


If you think an exciting evening like this would interest you I suggest you drop by The HaNazee Hideaway Lounge.Maybe you’ll get lucky and ” Sweet Pie” or ” The Korean Rose” will be there. Even if your unlucky in that regard though don’t despair because you never know who may drop into The HaNazee Hideaway Lounge or when or what may happen. I will be there as often as I can.

See you there Pengyoumen / friends


Until then


Zai jian


By Spacedteacherrainbow and Mystery Girlrose


P.S. : She left the lounge that evening wondering what exactly three handed handcuffs were used for.smile_wink
She loves a mystery.


“Lotus “SweetPie” Chan’s and Lucy ” The Korean Rose” Sanelli’s Satanic Romance” A.K.A. Nubile HaNazi # 4’s and Femi-Fascist # 7’s Satanic Romance” and all characters,plotlines,places and mythology even REMOTLEY associated with it are the intellectual property of Spacedteacher DBA Bea Wildered Enterprises / Mystery Girl Enterprises and may not be used for any purpose whatsoever without the express written consent of Spaced Teacher / Mystery Girl
As usual all names have been changed to insure the guilty from any and all liabilities be they criminal or civil.


The characters of Lotus ” Sweet Pie” Chan and Lucy ” The Korean Rose ” Sanelli are ENTIRELY fictional and not based upon ANYONE associated in any way with ANY social networking service. If they tell me to stop writing this story I will do as I always do when their voices in my head speak to me. I will ignore them TOTALLY and COMPLETELY!!! Life is safer when you do NOT listen to HaNazees no matter how nubile they might be or to Femi-Fascists no matter how well they dress even if their voices are ONLY in your imagination.

January 11, 2010

Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season

” Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ”


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ”  are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.


Spacedteacher vs. The Committee of 17{ Local Branch }


or


“Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season”

By Spacedteacher


Upon arriving in China all foreigners must go to the local police station and obtain a Residency Permit. These agencies are government operations so consequently they are staffed by Chinese Civil Servants. Among these civil servants will always be a few of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s followers. Now as I’ve explained to you in previous chapters part of the good Emperor’s philosophy are tenets such as ” Lucidity Is The Enemy ” and ” Nothing And Nobody In All Of China May Move Faster Than The Napping Panda Of Sichuan “. For obvious reasons this can be a very trying experience. Should a foreigner , even one fluent in the language , try to obtain his Residency Permit by himself it almost certainly would be a recipe for disaster. The universities in an effort to preclude such problems will send a representative of the university with the foreigners. This does indeed minimize the conflicts , however if your university representative is inexperienced or if you get an inexperienced or uncooperative clerk , or God forbid you have the unfortunate luck to be assigned to one of  Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s Disciples it can still be a very unpleasant and trying situation. If you are American picture dealing with The Department Of Motor Vehicles and multiply the frustration factor by 50.That was not the case for me this time. I got lucky , very lucky


When my time came to visit the local Chinese Public Security Bureau or as it would be called everywhere else in the world the local  Police Station I was accompanied by the Chinese representative of the university I teach at. As you’ve probably figured out from reading the preceding chapters the Public Security Bureaus are staffed and managed by the local branches of “The Committee Of Seventeen “which have been heavily infiltrated by the HaNazee.Knowing this fact I was preparing for and expecting the worst!! I was having nightmares,during the day, of interminable delays , obfuscation , discourtesy , frustration , and a quite amusing and entertaining display of organized chaos. What I actually got what was quite the opposite. As I’ve explained to you in preceding chapters of the story  the evil first HaNazee Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao instructed ” The HaNazee Yellow Knights Of Ignorance And Chaos” to confuse all ” lao wai” by actually being courteous ,respectful and efficient about 20 % of the time. This strategy is brilliant since it is actually very effective against “lao wai / foreigners with less Chinese  experience than me. Having been in China for a considerable amount of time now it is ineffective against me. I just prayed that Sheng Di had planted a” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” or a “Sister or Brother Of The Jardeen Jasmine” right smack dab in the middle of a potentially dangerous situation for the foreigners as she is wont to do. Praise Li Tan!!Sheng Di willing I might actually get out of here quickly and with my sanity intact!!clap


I was brought to the head of the line and asked to sit down by a rather sexy young woman Public Security Bureau Officer.

This woman turned out to be a " Sister Of The Jardeen Rose ".

She smiled and politely asked me some seemingly pointless questions. I answered politely. This was going well I thought to myself wondering if this courteous , prompt , professional service was going to continue. Shortly I found out that it was. She asked me to please sit up straight and face the camera. I made myself presentable and my photo was taken. It was then that I made my nearly disastrous mistake. I forgot where I was!! I forgot that in spite of the professional , courteous and prompt service I was still dealing with humorless dour Chinese Civil Servants and most likely an adherent or two of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s Disciples was among them . In short I forgot that these folks have absolutely no sense of humor. The America sense of humor is known all over the world as being delightfully wacky and bizarre. Everywhere except  China apparently. I figured that since the nice lady got to have a memento of me in the form of a photo it was only fair that I should get a memento of her in the form of a photo. To borrow from Tina Turner ” What’s fair got to do with it?” A look of fearful horror came upon her face!!

These gentlemen are Chinese Public Security Agents. They are known in the West as Policemen. They are EXTREMELY unpleasant when agitated.At least one or two of them are Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao's Yellow Knights. Don't even consider aggravating them.

About 30 Public Security Bureau Agents snapped to attention caressing their security tools lovingly.You CANT take photos of Public Security Bureau Agents she admonished me sternly.

I apologized profusely and explained to her that it’s just the bizarre American sense of humor that we occasionally have difficulty controlling. I meant no harm or disrespect. She accepted my apology and advised me to be more careful next time. With a calm authoritative glance she dismissed her eager co-workers. I couldn’t help but notice that they seemed disappointed that they would not get to have fun with a “lao wai” today.


It was then that I smelled it!! The fragrance of rose and jasmine that was so delicate only a “Kindred Spirit” could discern it. A ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” was making herself known to me. I was right again!! Sheng Di had indeed planted a “Sister Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” right here in the Public Security Bureau. She does indeed work in mysterious ways. Apparently I am blessed by Li Tan and thusly I walk with the Grace of Sheng Di. When I consider that I could possibly have been making involuntary organ donations as a result of letting my bizarre sense of humor get the best of me at the worst possible time I am eternally grateful that Sheng Di , Li Tan ,”The Dragons Of The Jardeen Gardens And Forests” , “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” are all on my side.
Friends whenever you face difficulty or are facing trying times in China always seek “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose.” If you are a ” Kindred Spirit” They will come.


“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.


Halloween In Tijuana ??? Definitely not !!

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

Sister Of The Jardeen Rose

This woman is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” They are the sworn enemy of the HaNazee

Spacedteacher vs. The Committe of 17 { Local Branch} { Sub Committee On Foreign Holidays }

or

Halloween In Tijuana { Definitely NOT!! }

By Spacedteacher


Dear Readersbat :


I was teaching in a small town in Central China. I was the first ” lao wai” / foreigner that this school had ever had. I was also the only ” lao wai ” at this school. The responsibilities were great. I was very excited to get involved with my students many of whom had never even seen a  ” lao wai ” before. Basically I was in a situation where there were a lot of very eager impressionable young Chinese minds to be educated. The best thing was I was given carte blanche to do it my way. I was in heaven at the thought of this opportunity. Not so much later I would come to realize that I was not in heaven at all.  I was in , I suspected , someplace in the opposite direction. My suspicions would be confirmed in due course.


As any ” lao wai ” teacher with experience will tell you the Chinese students always will tell you they want to learn about Western culture. The truth is quite to the contrary. 90 % of them have absolutely no interest in anything that is not Chinese. I’m fairly certain now after six years of experience that The Committee of 17 Sub – Committee On Education tells them to say that. The thinking is probably that they will make themselves look smart by saying that to a “lao wai “and that it will probably please the    ” lao wai ” that foreign people are interested in their cultures. In any case I was still fairly new in China so even though I was beginning to have doubts and starting to  see the big picture I took them at their word. I now know that the vast majority of Chinese students like to talk the talk but when it comes time to walk the walk they’re not interested. That you see takes effort. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao strikes again as it were.

In a country of 1.5 billion people should anybody have the right to indulge a lazy nature?

Halloween was the first Western / American Holiday we encountered during the year. I was so excited about the fun I was going to have with these kids teaching them about Halloween  and partying with them. I asked all my students in all my classes if they wanted to learn about Halloween. A resounding yes was the response. I was quite pleased. I then asked them if they would like to go trick or treating and have a party. A resounding yes. I explained to them about costumes and told them to buy / make one. Now being an American with a twisted bizarre sense of humor as those of you that know me are aware of I was not happy just keeping this on campus.I wanted to involve some of the local townspeople living near the campus. We made flyers in Chinese explaining to the local people what Halloween was and what would be happening on their streets come Halloween night. They appeared to be quite interested and supportive. They were lying or to play the Devil’s Advocate maybe they were just being polite. I ended up doing a shitload of work for very little benefit for anybody concerned due to their misplaced politeness. The attitude on their part regarding that seemed to be ” tough shit lao wai.”

That's their attitude in a nutshell.

Halloween night arrived and all of my students met me at my apartment on campus. Most of them had no costume at all. A few had masks. A few had great costumes. Off we proceeded to introduce Halloween to the people living on campus. We tricked and treated. We hid behind trees and scared people. We did some simple fun tricks such as throw eggs on windows and silly string cars and what not. I was beginning to notice though that as we went further and further along my posse was greatly diminishing. I also was disappointed that they didn’t want to do anything on their own. I had to be the center of attention  to get them  to do anything. By the  time we got to the far end of campus we had about ten kids that were still with me and having fun. I was very disappointed in the other 300 but I figured what the Hell at least now I know who wants to have fun. We proceeded onward.

Picture 40 students in a class giving you that look. You need to be strong to teach in China. lol

It was time to take the celebration off campus. Off to the main street surrounding the campus we went. The Chinese merchants and family living there were very supportive and seemed to be getting into the spirit of the day.They also appeared to be highly entertained. I had noticed though that by the time we got to the end of the street we were down to three kids. I told them ok we’ll finish up this street and call it a night. We  did and I sent them home. I however was NOT finished. I wanted one good ” BOO!!! experience before I went home.


I walked into an internet bar. I think I was costumed as a

This Demon looks familiar. lol

Demon as I remember. My face was painted and I’m sure I was a fearsome sight to the Halloween rookies. I just walked in and strolled up to the head of the room. Everybody’s eyes were on me . I’m sure they didn’t know quite what to think although they seemed to be chuckling. I waited about two minutes just staring at them intently. Finally at the top of my voice I shouted Happy Halloween BOO!!! She sprang from her chair like an angry Tigress protecting her cubs. She had a broom and she wasn’t afraid to use it. Out of her internet bar she chased me swinging her broom violently and extremely accurately

It was funny but scary. A great Halloween experience.

The people on the streets were falling down laughing although they were a bit concerned for my safety. A couple of gentleman restrained her and began , judging by the way they were pointing at the flyers we had posted , explaining to her what was going on. She was PISSED!! She ceased her attack but she kept her eyes on me and her broom handy. There was no way she was letting me back in her internet bar. My mission was completed. I placed my thumbs in my ears , help up my fingers and wiggled them at her while sticking my  tongue out. The Chinese people were roaring. I went home happy that night. I had brought a little bit of Western culture to China although in not quite the way I had intended.

I played this movie a few years later for another Halloween Celebration. It constantly amazes me that these kids have never even heard of these movies. They loved it. They didn't quite know what to make of it at first though. lol

Some people have no sense of humor. The HaNazee Yellow Knights Of Ignorance And Chaos are certainly

Is there a bad moon rising over China?

amongst the foremost of those folks. How unfortunate that so many of the Chinese students are also among them. They are way too young to be this boring. To be this young and be constantly afraid of taking part in the fun things of life or of taking a chance doesn’t bode well for the future of China in my opinion.There is a sadness that afflicts the Chinese people that I guess is reflective of their history. How unfortunate it is that in this time of great economic prosperity and hope in China the Chinese people do not seem to be able or perhaps willing to overcome this sadness.Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao still has them in his grip it would appear. Let’s all pray that The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine will eventually defeat Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao and his Yellow Knights bringing freedom to the Jardeen people A.K.A. the righteous Chinese.

By the Grace of Li Tan

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.


January 3, 2010

There Are None So Bland As Those That Will Not Be

Filed under: Stories From The Chinese Classroom — spacedteacher @ 8:04 pm
Tags: ,

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

Sister Of The Jardeen Rose

This woman is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” They are the sworn enemy of the HaNazee


There Are None So Bland As Those That Will Not Be

By Spacedteacher

My first year in China I was working at a university near the Provincial Capital of a Central Chinese Province. This university was famous for  having the most foreign teachers of any university in China. To the best of my knowledge that is still true. They were also famous for being the lowest paid university  for foreigners in China. I did not know that at the time. I knew little of China of any substantive practical use.The vast majority of these teachers were Americans from all over the country.

Of the 95 teachers probably 80 were American. We also had teachers from Japan , S. Korea , Germany , England , Ireland , South Africa and France. It was a very interesting faculty.

Every year this university would have their Culture Day Festivities in Oct. The purpose of Culture Day was to expose these students most of whom were from the countryside and many of whom had never even seen a foreigner before to the various cultures of the countries of the faculty’s origins. There was going to be food , music  , dance , art , fashion , movies and virtually all aspects of the various cultures concerned. Also as Americans since we were the vast majority we were to also present our individual state’s cultures. Although I was chronologically advanced I was by Chinese experience standards very young. I actually thought this would be great fun and was looking forward to it. I couldn’t understand why some of the more experienced teachers were dreading it. After about a month of preparation Culture Day had arrived.

My personal assignment was to be one of The Clanton Gang in a re-enactment of The Shootout At The O.K. Corral. This university had a section of the campus that was designed to look like a European , probably Southern Italian  , city square. That is where the re-enactment took place. The first performance took place in the afternoon just as classes let out and the students were walking back to their dorms. None of the students knew what we were going to do. Picture twelve ” cowboys ” walking around a Chinese university campus made to look like an Italian town square. Needless to say these Chinese students were a bit confused. LoL The guns we were wearing in particular caught their attention. They didn’t know quite what to think. All of a sudden the guns started firing , the cowboys were screaming at each other people were ” dying ” in the street. All activity in that square came to a screeching halt. Abject looks of horror and terror and more than a bit of fright were etched on these students faces. After about five minutes when ” The Gunfight At The O.K. Corral ” was over all the ” dead ” cowboys rose and we all took a bow. It took a minute but the students finally realized what they had seen. We got a standing ovation.

O.K. Corral

That evening I went to see some of the other exhibits. I saw a demo of Western Swing Dancing by two very talented young people from the West of America. I saw a very nice photo exhibit of Tokyo architecture. I ate some Korean food. It was a very enjoyable evening. All the faculty had done a first rate job putting together a classy week for these kids.

swingdancing

The next morning in class I asked my students if they had seen ” The Shootout At The O.K. Corral “. Much to my amazement not a single one had. I asked if any of them had seen any of the other exhibits. Again to my amazement not a single one had bothered to see any exhibit. I was a bit pissed considering all the FREE time and effort we had put in to make this exciting for these kids but I figured since it was the first night of seven and maybe they were tired or had other plans I’d let it go. I went out that evening and saw more of the exhibits and had another wonderful time. I also kept an eye out for my students. Not a one anywhere I went.

Arrogant

I went in the next morning and asked them again if any of them had seen any of the exhibits. Again not a one. I was getting pissed. Why I asked? We are not interested they answered in unison. My tone changed dramatically as I instructed them why they needed to participate in Culture Day and how much fun they’d have. I also explained to them why it was rude on their part not to take advantage of this opportunity considering all the free time and effort their teachers had put in to make sure they had fun and learned something.. I told them I expected to start seeing them every night for the rest of the festival. Again that night I saw none of them. Again they just didn’t bother. I went to class the third day and informed them that it was now their homework assignment to go see one exhibit of their choosing every night for the rest of the festival and be prepared to speak about it in English in class. Begrudgingly about 10 % complied. The rest ignored me as usual. The rest failed the class miserably as they so richly deserved.

Dummies

I was very pissed about their lack of courtesy and arrogance and let it be known to all concerned , them , the Administration , and my colleagues. One of the more senior of my colleagues took me aside one day and explained to me that the reason they wouldn’t participate was because they were afraid. I thought that assessment was bullshit then and I think so now.

Fast forward 4 years. I am now at a private school in the N.E. of China a whole lot smarter about China and Chinese culture. Being ever the optimist I figured I would at least give them the chance to be exposed to American culture. Again the same reaction. I had university level students ranging in age from 16  to 28 tell me with a straight face that they were not interested in going to  horseback riding , boating , hiking , bowling  or having a pic nic because they were afraid. Those things are dangerous was the general theme. Being older and wiser and having run into this phenomenon everywhere I had been in China I ignored my impulses to do anything of a fun or cultural nature with 95% of all my students from that point on.

Friends if you ever do decide to come to China and teach be prepared to hear the following from your students ” We want to learn about culture.” Do not fall for it. They do not want to learn about culture. The HaNazees in charge of the education system in China have taught them to say that. The reasoning is that it makes them look sophisticated and intelligent in front of the lao wai / foreigners. It never occurs to them that you must talk the talk and walk the walk. It doesn’t take the lao wai / foreigners long to figure out that they have no interest in walking the walk.

FromLibertytoTyrannyforDummies

You will be told that the reason they don’t participate in cultural things is that they are afraid. Do not fall for this either. The real reason is based in arrogance , stubbornness and laziness. If it’s not Chinese culture they are not interested. If it requires a bit of work and participation on their part they are also not interested.

I find it very sad that in this day and age when China is opening up to the world the vast majority of Chinese students choose to beat themselves both culturally and academically before they even play the game. Sad indeed.

I can tell you based upon vast personal experience that Chinese university students are the most boring people on the face of the planet. Avoid socializing with them at all costs if you want to keep your sanity.


marilyn

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

January 1, 2010

The Russians Are Coming !! The Russians Are Coming !! { To Easter Dinner }

Filed under: King Of The Chinese Road — spacedteacher @ 4:18 am
Tags: , , ,

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

Jardeen Rose

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

The Russians Are Coming!! The Russians Are Coming!! { To Easter Dinner}

This past Easter I had a rather profound religious experience here in Qiqihar. The Russian Orthodox Lady teachers at my university invited me to join them for Easter dinner. They took me to a very nice restaurant in downtown Qiqihar. The  restaurant they chose  was a bit of an upscale establishment. The ambience and food was wonderful. The service was excellent. Still there was something amiss. I noticed it immediately.Why all the Crescent Moon decorations? Why were the menus written in Arabic? Why were the waiters wearing those Islamic skull caps ? Why were the walls adorned with paintings of Mosques , minarets and Middle Eastern landscapes? Apparently the ladies did not.lol

Let’s just say that Easter dinner in a Muslim restaurant was an interesting experience. LoL It was such delicious irony. The dessert of this irony was that it was apparently totally lost on the Russian ladies.

I love Russian women.

GOD bless Mother Russia!!!

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

Don’t Worry Be Happy or It’s Uttama Bin Kaden’s Fault. REALLY It Is!!!

Filed under: King Of The Chinese Road — spacedteacher @ 1:48 am
Tags: , ,

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

Jardeen Rose

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

“Don’t Worry Be Happy”

or

“It’s Uttama Bin Kaden’s Fault. REALLY IT IS!!”

There is a well known terrorist by the name of Uttama Bin Kaden who is constantly causing all kinds of security issues throughout the world. Because of Mr. Bin Kadens nefarious activities daily life can be very dangerous for law abiding people.Upon my departure for China I was about to become acquainted with those difficulties.

My home is in the Appalachian Mountains. It is in my opinion the most beautiful part of my country. Unfortunately it is about 5 hours from the nearest airport which is located in Atlanta. Because of security concerns related to Mr. Bin Kaden and his “Crew” all airports in my country require that you arrive two hours early. This meant that I would have to arrive at 6:00 A.M. for my cross continent flight to the city of Los Angeles from where I would transfer for a noon time flight across the Pacific Ocean bound for Jardeen. I had to leave my home at 1:00 A.M. in order for these arrangements all to work. While I was annoyed at Mr. Bin Kaden for causing me all this trouble I understood and supported the Government’s security precautions.

The REAL adventure was to begin in The City of God’s Angels when I had my first experience with the Jardeen people!!!

I arrived in The City of God’s Angels at 11:00 A.M. I had 1 hour to make my switch.The Jardeen government had arranged for somebody to meet me there and help with the transfer. He was nowhere to be found! THAT should have been my first clue. Although I was traveling alone and did not understand the language or culture I was not concerned ,after all I was an intelligent , well traveled American. I had visited many parts of the world and had never encountered ANY serious problems I was confident that I would figure it out. Everything I had studied about these Jardeen in my two weeks of intensive preparatory classes for my new assignment indicated that they were an advanced culture. It was then that I noticed there were two main Jardeen airlines. Jardeen Air and Air Jardeen. I thought this needlessly confusing. I later discovered that the Jardeen Sub Committee on Airports which is appointed by The Committee Of 17 did not!!! As my Jardeen adventure progressed and I began to learn more about Jardeen culture I was amazed to discover that 80% of the Jardeen people and 100 % of the leaders are followers of an ancient religion known as Kuulang Shang which has been shrouded in mystery and suspicion for eons. The primary Saint of this religion is none other than their venerated first Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao . Two of the main tenants of this religion are that “Lucidity Is The Enemy” and “NOTHING May Move Faster Than The Napping Panda Of Sichuan!!!” I digress a bit. If only I had known then what I know NOW!!!

I took a look around to get my bearings. Fortunately or so I thought I was near the right terminal. I approached the flight board. My flight was not listed. Curious I thought. I double checked to make sure I had read my ticket correctly. I had. It was time to seek help. I found a Jardeen C.S.R. that allegedly spoke English. I asked her for help. BIG MISTAKE!!! She assured me that the ticket was a misprint and I actually belonged in the other Jardeen airline’s terminal. A voice in my head said “Don’t listen to her,DON’T”. Sometimes you should listen to the voices in your head. THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON!! Off I went to the other terminal. I wasn’t playing this time. Immediately I found a C.S.R. BIG MISTAKE!! I was beginning to suspect that customer service was a foreign concept to the Jardeen. A suspicion that was later confirmed by much experience.It seems that another principle of their religion is ” Knowledge Is Dangerous”. Apparently it is not safe to know ANYTHING that your boss doesn’t . For that reason initiative and creativity are discouraged. ANY Jardeen underling wants only the EXACT ,SPECIFIC knowledge required to do ONLY their jobs. Questions will confuse them. A hissy fit will make them nervous.When they are confused YOU will get absolutely ZERO results. When they are nervous you will get results. They will hate you passionately but you WILL get results. I had twenty minutes to get results. Since I was not expecting any problems I had only brought $250 with me .I had no return ticket to America. If I missed this flight I was in BIG trouble. It DEFINITELY was time to start being concerned. Not panic –YET just concern. She looked at my ticket. A look of amazed bemusement came upon her. Ten other Jardeen C.S.R.’s are giggling softly but noticeably. A glance at my watch revealed that it was now 11:30. 30 minutes flushed down into the kairotic Jardeen abyss. It was time for an American solution to this problem. I pulled a hissy fit and demanded to speak to someone that could fix this problem. IMMEDIATELY!!!! Five minutes later I was being escorted personally by the manager of this terminal to the other terminal.

Ahh sweet relief !!!! Problem solved. Think again Rimnak!!! My flight was indeed at this terminal but there were 85 people in front of me at one check in station for all 85 passengers.{Remember here the tenant of their religion which states “Lucidity Is The Enemy!!} What will he do now you ask?Well I marched right up to the front of the line and explained politely but firmly that I was an American teacher on my way to Jardeen to teach at a university so I MUST be allowed to cut in front of all of these other people and get on my plane which is leaving in TEN MINUTES as any self respecting American would do. As even you would do. “No dice lao wai / foreigner!!!}

ANGER!!! RESENTMENT!!! HATRED!!!


It was at the precise moment that Jardeen security

was eyeing me furtively and I was planning the strategy of my impending tantrum that it happened.

She was an absolutely beautiful Jardeen woman!!

I have been all over the world and I have seen some beautiful women from many different cultures so when I tell you that she was easily in the top 1 percentile you should have no reason to doubt me. I enjoyed watching her walk in the same way I enjoy listening to Diana Krall sing. Her eyes were a combination of the sparkle of Hawaiian rainbows and the sensuality of the Appalachian Rains. Launch sequence was activated!!!
She walked right up to me looked me right straight in the eyes smiled that sweet smile of The Jardeen Rose which all lao wai come to know and love and whispered in perfect English in that soft , low and sexy yet innocent voice

Don’t worry sir. The plane will wait for you.

WOW!! Beauty , Charm , Sex Appeal , Brains AND Humor.

My attitude towards the Jardeen began to change. She had sparked a metamorphosis. While I never did get her name or see her again I thank her for that.
And thusly was my first impression of China indelibly burned into my psyche.

P.S.: I later found out that this is a little game that the two terminals like to play with each other and with the “lao wai” they deal with. Regardless of your feelings about any cultural problem or any people you MUST respect a sense of humor no matter how much it confused you at the time. I certainly do!! LoL I also found out that ALL the people in that line were on my flight. They were all lao wai teachers going to various universities in China. Most of them were going to my university. I came to know quite a few of them well.

P.P.S. : Isn’t it curious how all the bad impressions seem to fade over time and let us remember fondly the good times and good impressions.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol


The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us.These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

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