Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

January 21, 2010

Ben And Jerry Placed Under Protective Custody

“The Great  Sugar Assassin Caper Of Sweetwater , Tx”


She’s beautiful , charming , sexy and DEADLY!!


She’s a Sugar Assassin.


Ch : I’m not counting. Are you?


“Betty Crocker,Mrs. Fields , Mrs. Butterworth , Sara Lee , The Pillsbury Doughboy ,Ben and Jerry etc.etc.


Dear Citizens of WordPress :


In view of the kidnapping yesterday of Aunt Jemima , General May Laze ,the Director of The Homeland Safety Agency has ordered me to put the above listed people into protective custody. She seems to feel that having another American Icon kidnapped by the evil , insipid , nefarious Havana Sugar Cartel would not be good for the people’s morale during these perilous times. I agree with her. It shall be done!!

If you can think of any American Icon that may be the victim of a kidnapping by the vile , insipid , evil , nefarious Havana Sugar Cartel or any of it’s affiliated groups please feel free to leave their names in the comment field of my blog and we SAPS will assess their security needs.Do not be concerned about a security leak at WordPress. They have a T.S.15 rating. WordPress is a secured channel.


As always REMAIN phoneVIGILANTcamera The BASTARDS!!!! are everywhere.

Major Dee Mentia
Lead Investigator {T.G.H.S.A.C.S.T.
Area 61 SAP HQ 1-800-WHO-CARES
Maple Sugar Country
U.S.A.

majordeementia@yahoo.comParty


www.beawilderedinchina.wordpress.com


“The Great  Sugar Assassin Conspiracy Of Sweetwater Tx”
“The Satanic HaNazee Romance of Lotus ” Sweet Pie ” Chan And Lucy ” The Korean Rose ” Sanelli
” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Land Of The Middle Cosmos”


” The Great Sugar Assassin Caper Of Sweetwater Texas” and all characters ,places,plot lines. mythology or anything else even remotely associated with it are the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used for any purposes without the express written permission of Spacedteacher.


“The Great  Sugar Assassination Conspiracy Of Sweetwater Tx.” while obviously the victim of a great deal of literary license by the author is based on true events. This actually happened to a diabetic friend of mine. To the best of my knowledge he never did resolve the mystery. This was cause for great concern for him. The names have been fictionalized to insure the guilty from liability be that criminal or civil and  to protect the author,ME against a Sugar Assassination attempt. That damn Havana Sugar Cartel is VICIOUS!!!!

January 6, 2010

Puff The Magic Dragon vs Freddy Kreuger

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

By Spacedteacher

Chinese Rose

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees

Puff The Magic Dragon vs Freddy Kreuger

By Spacedteacher

.
Oh mighty Dragon of Hannah Li by The Graces Of “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” I seek thine protection”


There the prayer had been said. I must admit though that I was a bit confused. I had heard of the legend of this Dragon. What did he have to do with my problem? No one had even heard from him in about 30 years? In spite of my faith in “The Sisters And Brothers” a kernel of doubt was beginning to form in the husk of my faith.

So now what? I waited!! about 5 minutes went by and then right there in my living room a giant puff of smoke and he was sitting in my reclining chair!!! “Fear not child.” he said to me. “The Sisters” have told me of your disturbing visions. You have nothing to be alarmed about. You are now under the protection of the ” Dragon’s Of The Gardens And Forests.” And then the enlightenment began.

I learned from the Dragon that when The evil Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was cast out of Righteous Jardeen Nation by Sheng Di for his rebellion against her and exiled to live in The Eastern Badlands he hatched a secret plot. Or so he thought it was secret. He took 100 members of “The Brothers And Sisters of Jardeen Ignorance And Chaos” and formed two secret battalions. Not even the other “Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen Ignorance And Chaos” know of these battalions. But Sheng Di already did and so did “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Chinese Rose And Jasmine.” Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao charged these battalions with sowing the seeds of ignorance and chaos in a new previously unseen way. It was especially devious even for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao!! He charged “The Brothers and Sisters Of Jardeen Ignorance” with sowing the seeds of ignorance by attacking Sheng Di’s believers known as “The Kindred Spirits” by day. If you find your self walking around all day talking to yourself , wasting time , forgetting where you put things. saying pointlessly to every question asked of you” I don’t know” or “I don’t understand” etc etc you are probably under attack by “The Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen Ignorance” . “The Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen Chaos” were charged with attacking “The Kindred Spirits” by night.” They had a particularly nasty tactic. They appeared in “The Kindred Spirits” dreams to sow the seeds of ignorance and chaos. If you talk in your sleep especially if you say things like ” I don’t know” or I don’t understand” you are probably under attack by “The Sisters And Brothers Of Jardeen Chaos.” This was done with the goal of weakening “The Kindred Spirits” faith in Sheng Di enough so that Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao could finally be rid of that infernal lao wai Jardeen God and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” as an added bonus.


Sheng Di sitting high in the Divinely cloud shrouded Yellow Mountains was ready for this attack. She quietly without fanfare released her forces. The battle was joined on a new front. Sheng Di had taken 100 of the most devout “Kindred Spirits” and given them Divine protection. She Called them “The Dragons Of The Gardens And Forrests”. They were her High Priests. Whenever they appear to a “Kindred Spirit” under attack they will come in the form of a dragon. Pretty good I.D. protection I think. Would you agree? Sheng Di having a Divine sense of humor commanded that the leader of the Dragons be named Puff. She probably did this just to mind fuck Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao.


Well my initial instincts were coming true. This wasn’t “The Exorcist”. There was no Jardeenic spirit trying to steal my soul for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. My worst fears were realized . I was right . This was something far more evil in it’s nature. This was some HaNazee Freddy Kreuger trying to steal my sanity for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. A ” Nightmare On Some Dreary Dismal HaNazee Elm St.” if you will.


Take heart my friends. I have no fear. And you needn’t either. I have the ” The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” “The Dragons Of The Gardens And Forrests” and Sheng Di herself on my side!! I can’t be beaten!!!


Friends whenever you feel you are under attack by the forces of chaos and ignorance always praise Sheng Di , seek “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” and invoke the name of Puff The Magic Dragon. And you will be unbeatable also.

By the Grace of Li Tan


May peace be upon you.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

The Holy Wind Of Dharamasala

Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos


Sister Of The Jardeen Rose

This Lady is a Sister Of The Jardeen Rose . The sisters of the Jardeen Rose are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees

The Holy Wind Of Dharamasala

By Spacedteacher

I had been having strangely compelling and entertaining dreams for about five days. These were not the kind of nightmarish dreams I was having when Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s Dream Invaders had tried to snatch my sanity for their trophy case so I was not scared or unduly concerned but rather curious. These dreams were so compelling that I wanted to know their meaning. As we all know by the actions of The HaNazee good psychiatric help is difficult to find in Jardeen so I wasn’t quite sure who to turn to for help in deciphering this mystery. What to do? What to do? And suddenly the fog parted.

I was dreaming about a certain kind of Orchid found in India. I have no idea why. A billow of smoke and he was there. The High Priest Of The Dragons Of The Gardens And Forests Puff himself was sitting in the middle of a field in India surrounded by purple orchids right smack dab in the middle of my dream. To say I was confused would be an understatement. Him AGAIN?? Why is he here now? Puff seeing my confusion answered my unasked question. ” I am here to  help you understand your dreams ” he said. “The key is in understanding the prophecies.” I was very intrigued now. Please tell me of the Prophecies Master I beseeched him. There are many he replied. I will tell you two tonight. The rest will come with further enlightenment.

” The Holy Wind Of  Dharamasala Shall Cleanse The Righteous Jardeen  People “


” The Sun Of The East  And His Twelve Brothers Shall Bring A New Dawn To The Righteous Jardeen People “


As usual Puff had calmed my nervous state and provided enlightenment. I slept peacefully the rest of that night.

Just before he disappeared in the mist of the midnight moon he advised me to always seek “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ”


When I awoke there was a purple orchid on my pillow. Next to it was a note. ” Beware the Woman Child of Nanjing. “

The Great ZH

I immediately prayed and sought ” The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” . I had this sense of impending danger . I was not overly concerned though since ” The Sisters” were now aware of my plight.



“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

The Birth Of The Feocious Kitten’s Disciple

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

Sister Of The Jardeen Rose

The Birth Of The Ferocious Kitten’s Disciple

By Spacedteacher

In the middle of the Twentieth Century Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao brought forth his first Earthly incarnation known as the ” Ferocious Kitten ” in the Province of Hunan. His minions in The Jardeen Brothers And Sisters Of  Chaos And Ignorance had sneak attacked Sheng Di when she wasn’t entirely prepared for the ferocity of the attack. They had won what they thought was an epic victory. It was Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s intention to have his second Earthly incarnation ” The Ferocious Kitten’s Disciple ” finish off Sheng Di once and for all thusly ridding Jardeen of the meddling infernal lao wai God. For a period of about thirty years all was going extremely well for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao or so he thought. Sheng Di was even then planning her counter attack


In the latter half of the twentieth Century Sheng Di counterattacked  bringing  forth The Tribe Of The 57th Flower  and The Economic Messiah to free the Righteous Jardeen People from the ancient Curse Of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao and His  Minions. Her planned worked like a charm. The Righteous Jardeen people had become prosperous and happy. The curse was on the verge of being lifted permanently  leading to the final and total defeat of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao and His Minions.                 Unfortunately though at that point The Righteous Jardeen became complacent in their new found wealth. They had forgotten who had given them their prosperity and freedom. They had fallen victim to their pride and arrogance once again. In short they had fallen victim to the seeming charms of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s song. Sheng Di decided that The Righteous Jardeen were not quite ready for the eternal freedom she had promised. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had forced a draw in  this round.

Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao sensing wrongly that Sheng Di was weakening and what he thought would be his impending ultimate victory played another card from his tricky deck. On a cold dreary dismal morning in the 1980 ‘s in a rural area of Jiangsu Province a girl child was born. Unbeknownst to The Righteous Jardeen People she was The Ferocious Kitten’s Disciple. This fact was however known to Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao and as usual also to Sheng Di.


Also on that morning  the Holy Wind Of Dharamasala  whispered to Sheng Di and thus were The Ladies Of The Purple Orchid born.

Ladies Of The Purple Orchid

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.

The Tribe Of The 57th Flower

Spacedteacher’s Adventure’s In The Middle Cosmos

By Spacedteacher


JardeenRose


This Lady is a ” Sister Of The ” Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.


“The Tribe Of The 57th Flower”

By Spacedteacher


And so the battle raged for many millenia. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao always trying to drive Sheng Di from her Throne as Queen Of The Righteous Jardeen. Sheng Di playfully toying with and constantly frustrating Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. Until in the mid 20th Century Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao launched an attack against Sheng Di known in the West as ” The Attack Of The Ferocious Kitten “. Sheng Di knew this attack was coming but she underestimated it’s ferocity. She had been caught semi-unprepared. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had won a small insignificant battle in this never ending war between them. He had succeeded in highly aggravating Sheng Di. He had her full undivided attention now.

Sheng Di retreated to the Divinely Cloud Shrouded Yellow Mountains and set about planning her counter attack. She had something planned for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao that was genius in it’s subtlety and viciousness. For eons  she planned , she recruited , she trained , and she plotted.Phase one was complete.


In the last three decades of this century she quietly and slowly launched her attack. First she arranged for the leader of the Meiguo lao wai { the most powerful nation of foreigners} to visit Jardeen. He came bearing gifts of friendship and felicity for the Righteous Jardeen people and cooperation for the Jardeen leadership. The “Seed Of Felicity” had been planted. Over the course of the next few years good feelings prevailed between the Jardeen people and all the lao wai nations. Then Sheng Di quietly infiltrated her newest troops.Phase two was complete.


The Tribe Of The 57th Flower were lao wai{foreign} people from all lao wai nations of the world. Most of them were light haired,light skinned and light eyed but not all of them. It did not matter to Sheng Di what the lao wai looked like but rather what they believed.All of these lao wai were “Kindred Spirits”. All of these lao wai knew of the ancient curse of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao upon the Righteous Jardeen people.All of these lao wai wanted to help the Righteous Jardeen people be rid of this curse but were powerless to help until this very moment in history. All of them were friends to the Righteous Jardeen people. Sheng Di had been recruiting them and training them for over thirty years. And now was the time to release them to do their job which was to free the Righteous Jardeen people from the ancient eternal curse of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. Over the course of the next few years ” The Tribe Of The 57th Flower” quietly went about their business. Slowly the ” Seed OF Felicity” which had been planted began to take root and become a strong sturdy young oak.They helped the Righteous Jardeen people understand what was possible when freedom and a good attitude were your allies. They arranged for cultural visits in music , art, literature and all other endeavors of human creativity to come visit Jardeen and show the Righteous Jardeen people the cultures of all the lao wai nations. They also arranged reciprocal visits of Jardeen cultural and sports events to tour the lao wai nations for the lao wai people’s understanding of Jardeen. They taught in Jardeen universities so the Jardeen students could understand lao wai education. They arranged for Jardeen and lao wai students to study in each others countries.They were very very effective.Sheng Di’s plan was masterful!! Phase three was complete.


In the last 12 years of the past century Sheng Di brought the Economic Messiah as the prophecy predicted. His name was Deng Xiao Ping. He unleashed economic prosperity upon the Righteous Jardeen people the fashion of which had never before been seen in history. He lifted them from their poverty and dismal futures into a time of great hope and anticipation. The “Seed Of Felicity” which Sheng Di had planted many years ago was now ” The Mighty Oak Of The Righteous Jardeen Nation”!!
To this very day “The Mighty Oak Of The Righteous Jardeen Nation” thrives.


When will phase 5 begin? What will it be like? Is Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao beaten finally and decisively?Will the evil eternal curse Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao cast upon the Righteous Jardeen people be lifted finally?


Only Sheng Di knows and she isn’t telling anyone yet. Stay tuned it should be interesting. Prophecy says however that a woman shall lead a pivotal battle and rule the HaNazee with her ” Blue Boys “.

Annie Oakley 4th


Friends always seek “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” ” The Dragons Of The Gardens And Forests” “The Tribe Of The 57th Flower” and Sheng Di herself and peace and prosperity shall be yours.


By the Grace of Li Tan

May peace be upon you

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .
I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol
The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.


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