The Great Harbin Cuban Cigar Autopsy Caper

Spacedteacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos

This woman is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” They are the sworn enemy of the HaNazee

Dear Friends :

I have a Canadian friend here in Harbin who is a bit of a cigar expert. He definitely knows a good cigar when he smells one or smokes one. He is also a smooth talking wheeler dealer type. He has been in Harbin for three years and in that time he has developed many contacts. In China business is done on the basis of  guan xi / relationship. Guan xi is an integral part of Chinese culture that has it’s roots in the teachings of the first HaNazee Emperor Of China. It is indeed a very complicated , intricate concept for lao wai / foreigners to understand and become proficient at. Fred is very close to becoming a master of relationships. In his time here he has cultivated many relationships with the local Comrades.  Recently after doing some work for the local Committe a high ranking member rewarded him with a box of Cuban cigars.

Now Fred being a naturally suspicious man as all smooth talking types are was suspicious of the authenticity of these cigars immediately. I’ve seen the cigars. They no doubt look authentic. They all came individually wrapped in cellophane and a plastic container with the band on them and were in a humidor. They certainly looked authentic to me. I was suspicious also however. When and how could authentic Cuban cigars possibly turn up in Harbin? Beijing or Shanghai would be entirely possible. Maybe even Guangzhou , Xiamen , Qingdao or a few other cities but Harbin? It just didn’t ring true.

One night Fred decided to relax by smoking a cigar and listening to some music. He broke open one of the Cubans. After a few puffs he was convinced. They were not authentic. Just to be sure though he decided to do a cigar autopsy. Out came the scalpel. Twenty minutes later the verdict was in. They were indeed fake. Fred surmised that they were probably made by Puerto Rican immigrants in the basement of  a Newark , N.J. brothel.

I’ll bet a fair number of HaNazees frequent this establishment. lol

Isn’t it curious how all the Comrades seem to have an affinity for Western goods ? lol I wonder what Karl Marx  would say about his Comrades indulging their various life pleasures?

If you come to China and anybody tries to sell you ” authentic ” Western consumer goods you’d be wise to assume that they are indeed not authentic.Forewarned is forearmed. You have been warned.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol

The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.